Dear Beloved,

I hope you crossed over to the new year with renewed faith and hope. My wish for you and your loved ones is that you may flow with ease and learn to dance to the beat of your own life’s drum.

It has been a couple of weeks since I’ve written to you, and I’ve waited because I had not received clear guidance on a specific area around my healing that I need to share with you. For me the clarity comes after a particular thorn in my life was revealed to me and I am being pressed to deal with it — you know, the lessons one just does not seem to get. Let’s just say I get clarity after making certain concessions, and after reconciling a particular issue to myself, my ancestors and God. 
And so I have found myself in stillness, waiting. The waiting has made me realise that sometimes waiting on God’s word or time is the best thing I can do in a particular situation. Over time, and as I grow and become more grounded in my spirituality, I’ve come to understand that sometimes doing nothing is the best solution. In order to distinguish between whether I’m just being plain lazy or am waiting on God, I’ve had to learn to pray for discernment. It’s something I will continue to do regularly, because I know life will often surprise me with little intricate details that require stillness and waiting on God. Sometimes it’s just as easy as listening to my body. 

However, I sense that the theme for this year’s Conscious Conversations will be around two issues – learning how to surrender and ancestral trauma healing. 

For me, learning how to surrender means learning to wait on God. Simply put, trusting God (I am inclined to say “not the God society has told you about”, but that’s a conversation for another day). 
Trauma suffered by our ancestors is a huge issue for most people because those who suffer trauma often behave differently which impacts the way they raise families and interact in society. Many people are not even aware of how this has impacted their lives and affected their frame of reference. 

If you are anything like me and believe in reincarnation, your path may also involve past-life trauma healing. Both ancestral- and past-life trauma played key roles in my growth during 2021. Having conscious experiences of the might and love of my ancestors and remembering snippets of my past-life experiences has made my spiritual growth intense and rapid. I am really grateful for those in my life who have made the journey easier. Thank you. 

So much happened that I began to ponder how the experiences of my ancestors shaped who I have become – how their fears, joys, despairs and hopes have influenced my DNA, my behavioral patterns and my thoughts. After all, when I say my clan name, am I not saying I am them and they are me? I’ve accepted their angels as spiritual gifts passed on to me from generations ago, but what about their demons?

This reminds me of a quote by Rainer Maria Rilke: “If my devils are to leave me, I am afraid my angels will take flight as well.” That is to say, my angels and devils aren’t just connected, they’re twins. This is a fact I’ve had to come face to face with. In as much as I am kind, I can also be mean – I’ve seen myself in action. 

To come face to face with my darkness, the darkness of my lineage – both maternal and paternal, as well as their unresolved issues with life and with themselves, beloved, has been gruelling. With this said, I do not think the point of me coming face to face with my devils was for me to change them. Throughout this process of change I never actually strove to lose my devils. Instead I learned to transcend them – to observe the duality of my being, not to judge it, but to carefully observe it and see its opposite side – the positive, the angel, the LIGHT. And to choose that.

If this already sounds like a journal on its own, it’s because this particular theme is loaded and its pursuit requires a resoluteness in one’s determination to become a better human being.

No doubt the wheel of change will continue to be with us far into the future. I sense the world and its economies will continue to be put under pressure by various “pandemics”, and more people will be pressed to embark on a journey of personal enquiry and figure out the essence of who they are. Therefore, it is becoming increasingly important that we continue to strengthen our inner selves so that we’re able to handle whatever comes our way. I hope my writings aid in this. I sense our conscious community will continue to grow, and I hope we can grow together. 
I found this poem apt for this letter to you:

THEIR GRIEF IS MINE

My gods have promised

to stop being

such demons

if I can become

a brighter

human being…

I swear I’m trying

to speed the change–

I can no longer bear

their weeping.

– Michael R. Patton

Namaste.

“To acknowledge our ancestors means we are aware that we did not make ourselves, that the line stretches all the way back, perhaps to God; or to Gods. We remember them because it is an easy thing to forget: that we are not the first to suffer, rebel, fight, love and die. The grace with which we embrace life, in spite of the pain, the sorrow, is always a measure of what has gone before.” – Alice Walker